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thandekamwakipesile

Month

May 2017

Discomfort.

He told her that he loved her

She told him to calm down

“Just relax hon’. Here, have some water. Are you alright?”

She acted as if he had some sort of disease,

As if he was confused,

As if they had separate dictionaries or in fact, spoke different languages, in which ‘love’ in his language was a word for ‘tired’,

When he said “I love you”, he must have meant “I’m tired of you” he could not have possibly have meant the kind of love that was love in her language.

She looked at him like he was sick,

Foreign, alien.

He took the water she offered him, confused as to why she gave him water and not an answer of “I love you too”

He knew she did,

When he said “I said, I love you” after his last sip,

She looked at him as if she was disgusted,

She was disappointed, in his bad taste,

He had just admitted that he loved stubborn, book crazed, stay in doors kind of girls. The kind that could bore you to death with their knowledge of ancient cultures and historical artefacts,

Girls like her.

She had dated him and fallen for him before he even knew her name.

To her, he was unattainable, and being his girlfriend, she expected the relationship to end soon, but she didn’t mind,

She liked having someone to admire her, not love her

He would be Van Gogh, the artist people would talk about,

She would be the painting, admired for her so called aesthetic, not her substance, he would confuse the two, but that would be okay too…

Or so she thought, but here he was,

Doing something she was not used to…loving her,

And within the long silence that came after him saying that he loved her,

She began to resent him,

For making her uncomfortable.

 

 

Life & Loss

I’m sure we all know what it’s like when someone close to us tells us that someone they know and love passed away. Sometimes we feel genuinely sorry for their loss because we perhaps also knew the person and even if we didn’t, it’s human nature to sympathise. I mean how would you feel if you told someone that you heard that someone you used to know a long time ago passed away and all they said was, “Oh well, you weren’t close to that person anyway.” Even if you weren’t wouldn’t it make you feel sad? I know there are times when I truly haven’t felt anything when I was told that someone I didn’t really know passed away, I mean I was sympathetic, but I wasn’t sad, because I didn’t know them..

That’s until now. Even the slightest thought that someone almost died or was in a life threatening situation makes me anxious, sometimes even frantically tearful. See we’ve all suffered the loss of someone we knew but when people die that we’re your close family, its tough. Over the past 2 years I’ve lost a lot of people in my life, amoung these people 4 were family and two of them passed on within the passed 6 months. The impact of all these losses was only felt recently, a month ago when my Uncle passed on. That’s when it hit home, my Uncle, who was like a second father to me was gone, when I found out I felt a rush of emotions that I couldn’t even name. Now every time I think of it I think “Well it could have been my Dad or Mom or my Brothers.” I don’t know if you’ve lost family members and friends within a short space of time but its taught me so much. Firstly, that the phrase “Life is Short” should be taken more seriously. It taught me that this life, your life, is the only chance you get to love the people in your life. Once they are gone, that’s it. Just let that sink in.

It also started to make me fearful of death and made me want to delve deeper into my faith. Death now just makes me so sad. I was watching a reality show yesterday and one of the people in the show went through a near death traumatic experience, every time she said what happened I just couldn’t stop crying. I’m not big on tears, whenever I want to let things out the tears are never there but of late I almost can’t control it. Basically, all I’m saying is that if you’re alive, this is your chance to live, don’t let circumstance of short comings steal the fire in you that makes you feel alive. I say that because I know a lot of people are living dead lives, just going through the motions. I know life is tough sometimes but don’t let your chance to live go to waste. LIVE !

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